Fearing The "Mommy Stigma"

June 23rd, 2007 by Cristina Favreau

I’m quite proud of the fact that I’m a committed and loving wife, attentive and involved mother of 2 kids under 2 years AND still manage to run 3 businesses while on maternity leave. I bet you didn’t know that about me, and I’ll tell you why. Get a little closer to your screen, because I’ll share a little secret with you: I fear the “mommy stigma”.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I purposely refrain from writing too much about being a work-at-home-mom (or WAHM as we’re referred to)! It’s like I don’t want motherhood to get in the way of my image as a business owner. It’s sad that I have to worry about it at all.

But I’m not the only one. Read Nataly Kogan’s article The “Mommy Stigma”: Well and Alive in the Business World and you’ll understand why I feel the way I do.

I fear people won’t look at me the same way they did before having kids. I imagine the worst; my internal dialog goes something like this:

“They*’ll think/say/feel…”

  • “… my attention is divided.”
  • “… I’m not fully devoted to my business.”
  • “… I’m not the serious, professional, dedicated entrepreneur I say I am.”
  • “… my kids distract me while working.”
  • “… I view my business as simply a hobby.”

    • *Note: I have yet to define who “they” are, but I know “they” are out there.

Am I wrong about the stigma surrounding WAHMs?

Let’s have an honest conversation here. What about those of you who are WAHMs? Does your business suffer or flourish by making it known that you’re a serious and professional business owner and Mom? Are some WAHMs ruining it for the rest of us? What can we do to lift the stigma? Do you, my dear readers, want to hear more about how I run my business as a Mom and passionate entrepreneur, or should I leave that to others? Do work-at-home-dads face the same challenges or is it worse?

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Category Entrepreneurship, WAHM Issues | Comments

  • My business is aimed at wahms, so I don´t get negative feedback in that area. However, people around me who have nothing to do with my work assume that it is just a hobby, after all, I am just a mom who stays at home, what could I possibly do to earn money? They have no idea how hard we wahms work!
  • I hear you. It has taken me eight years to rectify my own inner dilemma about wishing to be taken seriously while raising my kids and working from home. I've found that people respect me more when I am honest and authentic. That includes admitting you're making this call from home or that your child is running a fever and you may need to reschedule. We women would garner more admiration and support if we got real about who we are -- incredible jugglers who know where our priorities lie.

    I commend you for your efforts. Keep up the great work. And don't be too hard on yourself. You're doing great!
    Christine Louise Hohlbaum, author of DIARY OF A MOTHER: PARENTING STORIES AND OTHER STUFF
  • Oh my gosh Christine - I love what you said about garnering more admiration and support - and I agree.

    I am a mom, and I work from my home office. My 5 year old is in pre-school (well, now summer camp) 3 days per week, so I have time to myself in my office during the work week.

    However, last week, she was home sick 1 day, then, one day we went to the zoo with her class, and then Friday she was off. I only had 1 day in the office and still managed to keep the business and the household running. Now, I'm behind on a couple of things... but everything managed to keep on running smoothly.

    If my little one is sick and needs to be home, then, I need to adjust my schedule. Or, if I want to take a break from work and spend some time with my daughter supporting her or just having fun, then I want that to be known to my clients as well. If they aren't cool with that, then I need to find new clients ;)

    Along with being an entrepreneur - I'm human and I love doing things outside of my business. If people get the impression that I camped out in my office all day every day, it would appear as if you have to make big sacrifices to live a life you love - and that's not the case at all - and not the image I want to portray to my clients. I'm very honest about my life outside of my business - I share my personal blog so that people can get to know Jenn as a person - not just Jenn the Catalyst for Thriving Businesses.

    As women, we can have it all, but it's a balancing act. We are natural nurturers who want to raise a family - and - we are also driven and motivated to do fulfilling work through our life's purpose. Nothing wrong with carrying out both missions - and there's room in our lives for both.

    In my opinion, there is no other way to be but honest about who we are, what we do, and how it all connects :)
  • I have linked to your blog from my blog at Work It, Mom!

    I have to say that I have been incredibly lucky: My medical editing business is aimed at Family Physicians, and perhaps it is the clientele, but I am quite open about my family, my kids, and my Mommy responsibilities, and I have not yet detected that this has hurt me one iota. Of course, I try never to use my kids as an excuse not to get my work done, either. The only time it [the fact that I am a mother] really comes up is when I am scheduling travel, and working around the kids' schedule actually makes people incredibly sympathetic.

    I think the fact that my work environment (with Family Physicians in academia) is not corporate makes a huge difference as well. I would be more reluctant to discuss my family in a corporate environment.
  • I think this is why I choose the clients that I do ... my client base is largely female, and entrepreneurs/small businesses ... so they are a lot more understanding of a sick baby than if I had corporate clients.

    Still, I have to know who is OK with the baby babbling in the background and who is not.
  • Thanks to everyone for your input and support on this issue. It's great to read your comments and see how you deal with being a professional entrepreneur, who just happens to be a caring and conscientious mother.

    I've recently embraced the fact that I'm still caring for a 4-month-old and that my work hours will have to be arranged accordingly. So my day goes something like this: I take care of my kids during the day, working while they nap. Once everyone is in bed, then I can start my work day (8pm to 1am).

    So far, it's working good. I'm comforted by the fact that as my kids get older, I'll be able to solicit their cooperation to work a few more hours in the day.

    Thanks again!! I'm not sure why I was so nervous about writing this post, but I'm glad I did!!
  • WAHD
    My wife and I both work and we live in the Phoenix, AZ area. My mother usually watches our kids, however, last year and this year my mother has been visiting my sister’s family back east for several months. During that time my wife usually works from home 2 days a week and I usually work from home 1 day a week.

    I work in the finance department of a small company. There are 6 women and 2 men (including myself) that work in finance/accounting. Most of us sit in a big office with no cubicles so we can hear everything each other is saying. A couple of weeks ago I sent out an email to everyone in our department mentioning that I would be working from home the next day. I immediately heard one of the ladies say “I wish I could work from home”. I took it as sort of a jab. I have a good platonic relationship with 2 of the ladies in our office. One of them told me that 2 of the other women make comments about me working from home when I am not there.

    Let me add that most of our work is probably spent on the PC (whether it’s email or finance/accounting functions) and phone. There are instances where a face to face comes up, however, these can probably be handled via phone also. I am able to connect to my office PC from home with full functionality and everyone else has this capability also. Also, I report to someone in California and the rest of my co-workers report to a woman in our office and she reports to the other guy in our office.

    In a nutshell, I feel really uncomfortable every time I mention I am working from home even though my boss doesn’t have a problem with it. It comes from basically a few people in my office here that makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t see any reason why they feel this way since I am super prompt in replying to emails or any requests that come my way and I also make sure that all my deadlines are met.
  • WAHD, thanks so much for sharing your experience from a man's perspective.

    It really is unfair (and childish) to be scrutinized by workmates. Those who grumble are usually those who are jealous.

    We live at a time where most service positions can be done from a home office.

    If the quality of your work remains high, you are organized and disciplined enough to work at home despite distractions, and you are able to turn away from work when your day is done, there is no reason for you to feel guilty or to even care what others in the office may think.

    Keep on keeping on!!
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